Hmmm, Robin Hood eh. If Kevin Costner taught me anything then it’s that Mr Hood was a sort of slightly moody, but ultimately out for a good time, leader of a band of drunk tree house builders. How them am I supposed to deal with Russell Crowe being a not especially moody leader of a band of drunk ground dwellers? Truly mystifying. This incarnation of the oft told myth of Robin Hood rather messes with the formula and makes it all about the French and the King and things, like a sort of not so good Game of Thrones without the boobs. I mean, no one really knows if the whole legend is a load of rubbish or not, so the film makers could basically make it all up if they like, but Robin killing people with an axe really doesn’t chime well with me. An axe! For goodness sake. It’s not a bad film really, all muddy British fields, lutes and castles and maidens and the such, pretty much everything you’d expect…except…robbing from the rich and giving to the poor. Its Ridley Scott trying to inject a little originality into a story that, according to the Wikipedia, has been told over four billion times on film. It certainly isn’t shoddy film making., the problem though is that it attempts to inject a myth that is all rather good fun into a rather dense historical saga, everyone is wandering around western Europe trying to outdo each other whilst all we really want is for Robin to ride in, be badass and shoot some arrows, which takes approximately two hours to happen. It’s not snoresome, but its not awesome.
This is actually the second time I have written about Prometheus on efihr.com, if you check out the first attempt you’ll see that it was slightly more enjoyable the second time around. Prometheus begins with a huge blue dude drinking a shot of toxic Sambuca and disintegrating into a waterfall as a giant oval space craft maneuvers overhead. Quite why the giant blue dude does this is anyone’s guess, but the subsequent close ups of DNA type stuff, multiplying in the water makes one thing extremely clear, the blue dudes shot antics have led to some sort of life. Prometheus is full of moments like this, on the surface entirely nonsensical, but ultimately making some sort of sense. The thing is, the strands that knit these moments together are not strong enough to make something like a coherent whole. There is the giant blue dude storyline, the aliens storyline, the cyborg storyline, then there is a whole bunch of things which I guess might serve some sort of purpose for character development, but that actually don’t mean much at all. The things people (and cyborgs, and alien dudes) do in Prometheus quite regularly make no sense. I think the aim might be to make the watcher go ‘well why did they do that?’ then think really deep meaningful thoughts about life, the universe, faith and our place in this big scary world, because, you know, that’s what this is all about, but really it just feels like everyone is doing silly things for no reason. The coolest character is a cyborg, one assumes, given Scotts obsession with cyborgs that this has some sort of link with Blade Runner, and indeed the whole ‘being human’ theme is well explored here – but the coolness really stems from the cyborg being the only character whose actions actually sort of make sense, plus he is pretty sassy with his non human-ness on top. It’s a worthy Alien predecessor if just for its good looks, but in trying to answer too many of lifes deepest questions at once Scott has rather taken all the fun out of it.